Friday, April 3, 2009

I Feel Like A Voo-Doo Doll...

Life totally sucks right now. And I've tried so hard not to cut and its a miracle I haven't. Seriously, I am so so thankful to God, because I made a promise I wouldn't cut again. But when I say I feel like a voo-doo doll I mean that I feel like I'm being jerked around, and everyone is making my decisions for me. And it's so frustrating. And you know about Jason? Well he is totally avoiding me. Maybe it's because I've been hanging around him too much. And Jeff is grounded. Jesse hasn't been a problem. And gosh I can't wait to see Alex again at church because I feel so put together when I'm around him. He makes me feel happy about life. Hey and maybe all this anxiety and depression is because I had to change my medicine around, but on the up side I haven't been eating as much. Eating allot was one of the side affects on my other medicine and also bed-wetting. And also for the first time in awhile I actually feel like writing on my blog, and the words are actually coming out and I remember everything. Maybe it's cuse I need to vent. Oh ya and Jason said he doesn't like emo or goth girls lol and he thinks I'm emo. But I'm not I'm just in love with the color black. My friend Elizabeth says that black reminds her of the devil and hatred, but it's exactly the opposite with me. I feel so happy and safe with the color black, and also blue. I don't like orange, yellow, or anything really bright like that AND I HATE PINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Red is ok, it reminds me of blood and that's cool lol. Whoo I don't know what else to write about. I just can't wait to see Alex!!!!!!!!!!! I actually count the days down which is pretty pathetic, but he just makes me so happy. And he skateboards. I wanna skateboard so baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. It looks so fun and allot of people I know can do it. Hey hey hey hey hey HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm gonna tell you fav bands!!! WOOT. Ok...Bullet For My Valentine, Three Days Grace, Skillet, Breaking Benjamin, Coheed and Cambria, BarlowGirl, Fall Out Boy, and I really like Krystal fav TV shows are Law and Order, CSI, House, and Flapjack. BLEH this is all so boring, I'm boring you guys out ARENT I!!!!???? Maybe if I went to public school and If my mom didn't read my posts there would be more interesting stuff!!!! Ew not gross stuff :P. Anyways...I don't know what else to write about. I wanted this to be a really long post but I don't know if it's gunna be...OH I KNOW IM GONNA SHOW YOU MORE CUTE ICONS OK::::::::::::::::

Ya I know their dark just like the other ones, but not AS dark...anywayz, this is a long enough post I guess so I better go. Bye...Oh ya and I wanted to show you guys the lyrics from Krystal Meyers, The Situation. It's real here it is:
She’s finding love in the back of a car when is it too late? Have they gone too far? She’s having trouble drawing the line, But she knows she wants to feel beautiful. She struggles finding self-respect, She’ll wake up feeling regret, Her purity's been compromised, But she knows she wants to feel beautiful. A promise made to treasure, You don’t have to give it away, Falling for the pressure You can’t mend a vow when it breaks, Explain your hesitation, Jesus can be your escape, Don’t taint the situation, This love was made to wait.~ He's living life out on the edge, Gotta make a move, Move it onto the bed, Temptation whispers in his head: Believe the lie Suck it up and be a man. He'll trade her heart For a trophy, Put it on the shelf, So his friends can see,He has what it takes to get what he wants, Tonight’s the night Suck it up and be a man! What’s wrong? I can see the fear behind your eyes.You’re scared you might walk away unsatisfied. God's love Is the only love to fill the void, He's reachin’ out Just turn around And hold on! wait until your married everyone, K?


Blogger Jillian said...

Wow, I like that song a lot.
KM is really good! ;)
Emma just turned 14!!! That was awesome.
How are you?

April 4, 2009 at 11:10 AM  
Blogger Apostol 7 said...

Black to me is the color of fear but also a safe midnight sky, Cold but a secure place to hide, Mystery, but it reveals the pain iv'e felt.... sometimes black is like that to me....

April 4, 2009 at 8:46 PM  
Blogger Zaniac said...

same here...

yells and growls and anger hits me like i'm a helpless little squirrel squished by a careless driver, not even seeing me, not caring how i feel, going with their rules, not the rules of kindness and forgiveness. black to me is cool, painful, scary, and comforting, all at the same time. is that how you feel?

April 5, 2009 at 11:11 AM  
Blogger James said...

I want to warn you about a mistake I have made in my past. Too much co-dependence. It has destroyed me at times.

April 5, 2009 at 9:03 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home