Tuesday, February 3, 2009

I'm falling right in that black depressing hole again...it's like yesterday didn't happen

I know, I finally used a different picture...I'm going right back in depression. This sucks poptart crumbs. Geez it's like yesterday didn't even happen, I feel all sad again. Maybe it's cuse I'm PMSing I don't know. This is so stupid, being a teenager bites. I like being young, but sometimes I wish hormones didn't exist :P By the way, there was this guy that emailed me from Imeem ( a music site) and he was like in his twenties, and so I blocked him. I won't talk to any guy over 16, I made that rule up for myself. It's too dangerous and I don't wanna die. Some times I do, but right now I value my life. WOW I went to my therapist and like right in the middle of when we were talking, I yelled out, "I like pie!" It was so embarrassing, I didn't even mean to yell it out. I guess I shout out random stuff when I'm stressed or something. Hi Jillian, Emma, Jared and James if your reading this!!! ALSO HI MOM!!!! My friend told me I was the queen of randomness. Ugh is it normal for guinea pigs to eat their own poop? Cuse Kyoko is in my lap right now and she keeps bending over and eating her poop. You know you can Only drink your pee once in your life? I'm sorry...I know, gross, but still this is an online diary so...anywayz...I'm bloated...yea...PMSing is terrible...all you guys are so lucky, you have no idea. Gosh and I really want some pie. Like REALLY bad. I keep on dreaming about pie. And also lava lamps. I have one but it takes for ever for the play dough stuff in the inside to start moving around. GOSH I FEEL TERRIBLE!!!! Right now I want to die, I really feel like cutting right now, and it's taking all of my will power not to. Do all teenage girls have this problem? Allot of my friends tell me they've cut before. I have one guy friend that's cut and another online who's name is Kiah. He's cool He's from Japan. Also...I keep on thinking about the Titanic. It's so weird how these things always pop in my head at the strangest moments. Do you think you can imagine all of those people, children, everyone screaming as the ship went down? it's terrible. I'm glad I wasn't there...I wonder if my birthmom has a good education. Hey and also thanx Jillian, Emma, and James cuse ur comments are always helpful and I really love you guys!!! ..........I'm hungry....



Blogger Jillian said...

Awww, thanx. I love you too! I hope you feel better. That stinks. I hate PMS. If you wanna google talk, I should be on. Be careful tho, cos James doesn't always believe very christian things (ie lesbian rights/abortion rights etc. )
Buh bye, hope ya get pie!

February 3, 2009 at 6:33 PM  
Blogger Jillian said...

Thanx ya!

February 3, 2009 at 6:46 PM  
Blogger Georgie said...

You poor thing. Cheer up.

February 4, 2009 at 6:16 AM  
Blogger :.:aNNa:.: said...

i'm sorry that you're going through such a hard time. i've had that before. i used to always wonder if everyone goes through that, or just me?

i know it sounds horrible, but it's almost kind of comforting to know that someone else feels the same way.

i guess misery loves company, you know?

anyway, i won't bore you with my words anymore. but i just wanted to say that i think you're extremely cool for having such a strong connection with god, even though you're going through a lot.

February 4, 2009 at 8:27 PM  
Blogger Tunafish said...

Sometimes (well so far when I'm bored in language class) I trace my veins with a highlighter or marker. It feels kinda cool to have the ink flow over your skin. I don't know if it can replace cutting but it's definitely better because it's harder to die from ink poisoning (btw, I don't really believe in ink poisoning :P) than from blood loss. I haven't tried when I'm mad or depressed yet but it might work. *shrug* I feel bad a lot too but maybe for a different reason. But when I do, I pray. I think it might help.

April 12, 2009 at 4:29 AM  

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